Private Investigators Reveal the Truth Behind Signs of Cheating
Private Investigator Reveals the truth behind the 10 Most Common Signs of Cheating
The holiday period has come to an end, the presents have been exchanged and everybody is back at work but you’re still concerned that your partner’s behaviour is unusual – Is it paranoia or are you missing something?
With a simple Google search you can find a variety of articles from people all over the globe confessing they know the definitive tell tale signs to prove their partner is cheating, some of them cover the obvious things such as coming home smelling of someone else’s perfume/aftershave right the way through to comprehensive lists that constantly contradict themselves and would leave you questioning the loyalty of the most devoted partner on the planet.
We specialise in investigating the behaviour of unfaithful/cheating partners and matrimonial issues so we speak to people from all walks of life and at varying stages of suspicion. Some people have seen it first-hand and others are simply paranoid but the issue is that being suspicious of your partner will likely affect the way you behave towards them and that can be part of the problem itself. It is unhealthy to constantly be suspicious and it quickly turns to bitterness and resent so it is important to get closure on the issue and not let it build in the back of your mind.
We deal with people who are either being cheated on or suspect they are being cheated on every day and we follow it up by investigations those accusations and uncovering the truth so we are pretty good at differentiating between signs somebody is cheating and random facts that have led a person to believe their partner is cheating.
Below are the 10 signs we hear most often and our experience of what they actually mean
1. My partner is always using their phone
When you’ve got two WhatsApp groups pinging and a group message with the team from work it can be difficult difficult to ignore your phone so they may seem glued to it and it may well be completely harmless so you might think you have a right to see it but if your partner asked to see your phone just after one of your single friends had put a screenshot of a late night message from tinder, you probably wouldn’t be too keen to share it either. We all deserve some privacy so not sharing passwords is definitely not something to be concerned about. From our experience we find that the people who are genuinely trying to hide who they are communicating with tend to become very defensive over their phone so they will make excuses like I’m listening to music in the shower’ so they can take their phone to the bathroom.
The biggest concern is making excuses to use the phone in private, when you go into the shop they might suggest they’ll wait outside and when you return they are on their phone with their back to you. These tend to be the signs that they’re using their phone for more than a touch of banter.
2. Started going to the gym again
Healthy living is becoming more and more popular so taking up a gym routine isn’t abnormal and it can be caused by hundreds of factors not just trying to impress the opposite sex. The reason for returning to the gym could genuinely be to put some more effort into their physical appearance, that doesn’t have to be for you or anybody else it could be for themselves as it’s a great way to improve self-esteem and build confidence. We have followed people straight to ex-partners houses and to bars/restaurants while they are supposedly at the gym so it can make a great cover story but there are fairly simple indicators that should tell you whether they are lying or not.
Look for simple things like a gym kit, do they seem sweaty or do they have a sweaty gym kit in a bag? On average a gym session will last between 1-2 hours so they are consistently spending 3-4 hours in the gym you may want to consider speaking to a private investigator. Remember changes don’t happen overnight so don’t assume they are cheating because they have been to the gym for 2 weeks and don’t have a six-pack yet.
3. They are always working overtime
It may be by choice that they have taken on an increased amount of overtime or it may be compulsory, in either situation you need to remember that all companies have busy periods and deadlines to meet so its not always optional. Using your head can get you a long way when it coms to overtime, if your partner is a project manager then its very likely they will, at times, have an increased workload and won’t have any other choice than to take up overtime, if your partner is a lifeguard at a leisure center there is probably limited times that they could be required to work even if it was busier than usual. We have seen people who work in a regular 9-5 office job claiming they are working on Sundays and bank holidays and made trips to their office only to find the lights off and a barricade across the car park.
If you are expecting a new child or are looking to save a deposit for your first house then taking on ‘compulsory’ overtime may be a noble way of trying to bring in some extra income.
4. Out with a ‘Friend of a friend’
So after a stag do or a girls holiday 3 months your partner has become friends with a ‘friend of a friend’, they don’t live nearby, they don’t work together and you don’t have any mutual friends so when your partner says they are going out with them on a Friday night you know you’re going to have to take it as gospel because your not going to see this new friends partner on Instagram saying it’s a night in with the dog because their partner is going out with so and so. The “friend of a friend” is often a very easy excuse because your partner knows that you can’t cross examine their friends, you can’t ask too many questions because you don’t know them and most of all you can’t try and catch them out at the Christmas party by asking how that night out on the 4th of august was when they were with your partner. Unfortunately it’s not a FACT that going out with the friend of a friend means they are cheating, it is likely that your partner will get on with friends of friends because they are in similar social circles so have things in common.
We tend to find the giveaway signs are trying to be deliberately vague with details and doing anything possible to avoid speaking about the night or the event. Usually you would expect somebody to share some stories about their night so it’s the quick change of subject when asked that we find is the best indicator.
5. Working away all the time
This is probably the most cliché sign of cheating and we hear it on a daily basis, millions of people travel up and down the country for a variety of work related reasons, some attending meetings and others have skills that require them to be on-location. Our investigations have seen people using the working away excuse to drive 15 minutes down the road and stay at another person’s house only to find out the man had children with other women and was essentially living a ‘double life’ with two women less than 10 miles apart. (For obvious reasons it would be difficult for a woman to have a child without her partner knowing but that doesn’t mean they are any less guilty of cheating than men) We have also seen an awful lot of people staying in hotels in other cities because their job starts at 8am and they need to be mentally and physically on point so a 3 hour commute is not feasible.
Signs to look out for are things like packing a favourite shirt or dress when they’re supposed to be plastering or attending a business meeting. Another telltale sign is insisting that they will do their own washing or putting their washing straight into the washing machine when usually it would go in the washing basket like any other day.
6. Doesn’t pay you attention anymore
This is probably the most subjective and unreliable sign that somebody is cheating, the actual reason behind this could be one of a million things. Relationships do change and people do become complacent, lazy and comfortable so if your relationship is still relatively speaking in its early stages we would encourage you not to use this as a sole indicator that your partner is cheating.
Understandably if this is being exhibited along side four other tell tale signs of cheating then you should consider speaking to them and if that fails maybe look at speaking to a professional – only you can decide whether that be a dating expert, a friend or an investigator.
7. Lack of sexual appetite
Yet again this one is something many of our customers hint at but won’t openly say it until they feel comfortable enough to discuss the fact they haven’t had sex for 6 months. If your partner has always had a low sex drive then you would be irrational to think that this is down to them getting their thrills elsewhere, even seeing a drastic reduction could be put down to a number of attributes.
Let’s be honest neither of you are in the peak physical condition you were when you first matched met and the spark may have faded slightly but this kind of change is actually a very common side effect of stress or depression so try not to jump to conclusions. Of all the accusations we hear this one has probably been the least successful indicator that you have a cheating partner.
8. Aggressively switches accusation back at you
The easiest way to defend against accusations is to react with counter-accusations so it’s very common for somebody who is cheating to become aggressive when accused of something. “The best defence is a good offence”. Although this issue isn’t something we can really investigate a lot of our customers that actually have cheating partners tell us whenever they try to ask questions about their behaviour or activities their partners make ridiculous claims that they once did something similar and have no right to point fingers even if it sounds childish. The other common response is “your just paranoid or your losing the plot, stop looking for things that aren’t there”.
This aggression isn’t necessarily displaying how angry they are but more a distraction tactic to stop you from probing. If this is the case you should try speaking to somebody and even if you don’t want to speak to friends or family you can seek free confidential consultation.
9. Zero detail about nights out or activities
Some couples share every microscopic detail where as other couples don’t, that’s human nature and on some parts a reflection of how close your relationship is. When people start to cheat they can often feel pressure when talking about the cover story or the time that it happened so they avoid talking about it, you would expect to have a chat about a night out even if it was just general chit chat about enjoying themselves or not. If they don’t want to give details or they seem reluctant to talk about it that could be an indicator that their story won’t match up with the one you have been told.
Not speaking about a one-off event could be down to being too drunk or actually having a shit night but when we see this kind of behaviour become the norm it raises suspicion.
10. When away they are unreachable after a certain time
If your partner works away frequently and consistently has an excuse why they are unreachable after a certain time we would seriously consider looking for help. After years of experience working with investigations of this nature we can confidently say this is the signal we take the most seriously. Some hotels may have poor reception and we all forget our chargers from time to time but if your partner always has an excuse for why they cannot be contacted after a certain time it is probably because they are doing something they don’t want you knowing about.
Some provide elaborate excuses every time and others try to use the excuse that they need to get to bed at 7PM because they have an early start. This excuse is usually accompanied by what we call the ‘check-in’, this is the phone call you receive early evening where they explain the reason you shouldn’t phone them for the rest of the evening.
Our experience has shown us that any of these issues in isolation could be attributed to a million different factors but a combination of them is much more likely to be a good indicator. Everybody is different and these indicators may be in your partners nature but changes in behaviour especially drastic changes are things you should be wary of.
Ultimately – Trust your gut, it doesn’t mater if it’s one thing or 3 things on the list, there could be other signs but if you know that its true then trust your instinct because most of us find it comforting to ignore the signs. That’s our emotional side trying to be optimistic but your gut is the logical side of your brain telling you that if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.
If you have tried speaking to your partner about the issue(s) and still can’t get to the bottom of it or get the doubts out of your mind then don’t feel asking for help is weird or that you are the only one going through these things. Some people have friends and family they openly discuss it with but others prefer to speak to somebody they don’t know so they don’t feel as though they are being judged or called paranoid for having to ask the questions they are asking.
Using the services of a private investigator is much more common than you would think so don’t feel as though calling to speak about your partner is going to make you look insane. You are not obliged to give your personal details and most companies are happy to offer free consultation.